Happiness is an attitude – not a goal. It is a direction -  not a place. When you decide to face that direction you do not have to do anything to gain it. It is all yours! Like Leo Tolstoy says, if you want to be happy, be. First step to happiness is  just deciding  to be happy and you are already on your way !

One of the main reasons why we compare our lives is to get approval. And in general wanting approval from others is a very big obstacle for a happy life because it hinders your personal growth. We may want the neighbors, friends, and the world to think/say, “Did you see that new car/house/dress/jewelry etc etc? It is the best”. The problem with comparing yourself to others and wanting approval from them is that you let others control how you feel in life. You feel bad when you are saving for, let us say, a big new car. You feel great when you finally have enough money to drive it home. And then you feel bad again when you see someone else has even a better car! You become a puppet of other people, pulling the strings controlling what you do. They limit your movements and your life. When you learn to get rid of your need for approval, you automatically give up the need for both positive and negative approval. They both are connected because when if you no longer crave positive cheers and approval from people then you will no longer have fears of criticisms and non approval either. The good thing is when you no longer need approval from others you will have a greater inner freedom to do what you want. You will notice positive opportunities in your life that was not there before.

If you compare the strengths of others, with your weaknesses, how do you think you’d size up? You have started playing a game already with a feeling of having lost the game. And do you think this would make you feel good? The funny thing is, this is what most of us do at one time or the other and many of us do very often. It’s a sure shot recipe for a drop in self-confidence and you straight head to unhappiness. Comparing yourself with others doesn’t do you any good. You end up either feeing proud when you are above or jealous and frustrated when you are below. Both do not   bring any happiness. Even if you compare strength to strength, there will always be those who are better, and those who are worse. Even if you do well in comparison with others, you may be artificially inflated from this comparison. It’s a short-lived boost of your ego. If you think you have won, that victory is easily knocked down. You end up resenting others when they are doing well. You might criticize someone in public, trying to knock them down, often unfairly. Or you might end up talking about your own accomplishments more than is necessary. Both are not appreciated by anybody.

If your only goal is to ‘be like so-and-so’, you are missing out on something really important. You are missing out on really being yourself and expressing the individuality that is you. Why give up your uniqueness and become a clone? Wouldn’t you rather enjoy your own life rather than someone else’s? So it is better to focus on what you have, on what you are already blessed with. Count what you have, not what you don’t. Think about how lucky you are to have what you have, to be alive at all in the first place. Instead of looking at your weaknesses, find out for yourself what your strengths are.  Be proud of them. You do not have to brag but can just feel good about them and use them to your best advantage.

If it’s a must to compare your self to someone else, then compare the whole package and not just a single trait. Someone may be more handsome than you but you may be smarter than him, some one may be richer than you but you may be happier than her. Think of yourself as a package because it not fair to judge yourself based on only one thing that you don’t have or that you cant do.

It is perfectly alright to be imperfect. No one is perfect and never can be. When you learn to look at it in a different way you understand that it is that imperfection which makes you who you are and you already are perfect. Life is not a competition. It’s a journey. We are all on this journey and the journey has nothing to do with how well other people are doing, or what they have. It has everything to do with what you want to do and where you want to go. That’s all you need to worry about. 

Enjoy yourself!

Joyfully yours

When we judge others, it is because we are seeing the world the way we want to see it — not the way it is. In the moment of judgment, you are experiencing the feeling of powerlessness.  Do you know how?  When you judge, you’re trying to change the outside, may it be a person, situation or happening and in turn, trying to make yourself feel more powerful.

Judging does not bring you joy. In fact it leads to suffering – your own suffering. It does not touch the person judged; he or she is free of you and your thoughts and your judgments but you get disturbed that things are not the way you have visualized. It is not fair to evaluate people based on their behavior on any one particular occasion, as the behavior may not be the correct representative. Nevertheless, first impressions are easy to form and difficult to overcome and we are so quick to both form and recall ‘bad’ impressions. Once a wrong impression is formed, we seal it away so carefully from revision or reconsideration.

The act of judgment is also an act of pride. If you sit down and think deeply and honestly, you understand that all things, big and small, all situations which you have tagged as ‘pleasant’ or ‘unpleasant’, all incidents which you have labeled as  ‘good’ or ‘bad’ invite your judgment. Think for a moment. Do they invite or are you gate crashing? Whatever it is – may it be the condition of the weather, political matters, the taste of your food, a television program – literally at every moment of the day you are constantly judging something or someone. You do it so willingly without even being aware of the consequences, without taking care of the responsibilities entailed. When you judge you make matters worse because you believe in your judgment is right. Since the external does not coincide with the internal, namely the picture you have in mind, there is a commotion in your mind and naturally you can not smile.

An effective way to challenge your urge to judge is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Once you begin doing that, your perspective and attitude about the person or happening or situation changes. As you keep practicing this more often, you will gain strength and power, which are key ingredients to bring a smile in your heart and hence on your face.

Judging people is just a programming that one can undo. You should realize that others are also programmed and doing just what they are programmed to do. Instead of trying to judge other people and trying to change them into what you want, learn to change what you want. Instead of placing all your ‘consideration’ on the person outside of you, turn your attention around and place your awareness on yourself completely.

There’s nothing good about judging others. Instead, when you learn to look at the positive side of them, it not only brightens their day but yours too. First be your own judge and order yourself not judge others! Then you can comfortably stay in your space while giving others the freedom of their space.

Keep Smiling!

Smilingly yours

Your happiness is your responsibility. Why blame outside condition or other people if you’re not happy? While things round you could change and go ‘ bad ’, it is you who decide how you will respond to them. You can decide to be happy and when you decide, you are happy. Nothing stops that.

When can you actually smile? Of course, when you are happy. When can you be happy? Of course, when you are contented. When can you be contented? Of course, only when you know to count your Blessings. There are so many things we should be grateful for, but we often forget them. We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather from recognizing and appreciating what we have. If only we start counting what we have, then there won’t be any moment left to lament over what we don’t have. We take everything for granted – all the moments; right from the nose full of air that goes in to that comes out which makes life tick. So primarily the best blessing we can start our count with, is Life itself! And then follows the body and mind…every thing else is an extension of or to the body and mind. When you learn to count your Blessings, soon you understand that all your fingers and toes are not enough to count the blessings of even a single minute!

Instead of listing what you don’t have why not count what you have : eyes that see, ears that hear, arms that touch, legs that move, Remember there are so many who wish they could see what you see around you, they dream that one day, they may hear their own name, walk around and inhale the fragrances of life. Take a look around you – at the creation of God, and how your body works. How about thanking God for the wonderful creation He has made exclusively for us – the elements in it making life possible. How about counting the biggest Blessing – your body; the precision with which it functions; the senses and their perception; the unlimited pleasures and enjoyment creation supplies us with. The list is endless.

Next time you cannot go to sleep, start counting your Blessings instead of sheep. Not only will you have a good nights rest but will also wake up with a mind ready to start the day’s count of Blessings! There you go. One Two Three…….soon you will lose count, for the Blessings are Infinite and Eternal. 

Happy counting!

Blessedly yours