Earlier we talked about some simple tips like smiling, counting your blessings, stopping judgments, stopping comparison, learning to listen more than talking, giving up negativity etc. When you analyse carefully, these are all manifestations of some or the other attribute of the mind. In other words these are all reflective reactions of particular thought patterns. Take for instance smiling. When do you smile? When you are cheerful, pleased with your self, happy or contented. You think you are happy because things happened the way you wanted. It may be achieving some success or acquiring some object, power, position or relationship. You attribute attaining happiness to some external factor, may it be an object, person or a place. If that is true then you should remain happy for the rest of your life just with that same object, power, position or person. Does it happen? NO. Soon you are chasing another goal for your happiness, then another and so on. There is no end to it.

All of us want to be happy and that too permanently. So we have to rely on a source that can provide Happiness at all times in all situations – a source that is permanent, which is not affected by any external factor and that which is available to you all through your life without any limitation. 

Most people acknowledge that they don’t always feel happy. Oh, yes! Getting the job, buying a car, getting admission into a top rated school or losing weight feels great for a while. But you find that that the job means longer working hours or that the car guzzles petrol and needs maintenance, or your friends are jealous and that your life hasn’t been transformed by losing weight. You are again weighed down by a sense of lack. No matter how well life turns out, nothing seems quite enough. Others seem to have more, or desires for fulfillment keep arising. If nothing else, you fear for the future. What if something happens to you or your loved ones? Many are content to accept this mixed bag of happiness and sorrow as their lot.

Happiness is the unquenchable thirst and an insatiable hunger of all humans. Happiness is what all of us seek and long for. According to an old Hindu legend, there was a time when all men were happy, but they misused happiness. So Brahma, the creator decided to take it away and hide it where no one could possibly find it. There was a long discussion as to where to hide it and there were many suggestions like burying it deep in the earth and sinking it deep into the ocean. But it appeared that there was no place that man could not reach. Finally Brahma said, "We will hide it deep down in man himself, for he will never think of looking for it there." And man goes looking for Happiness in all unlikely places, circumstances or people, neglecting to look within!

We will methodically go through the simple steps for the simple process of unearthing that treasure from within. Yes. It is simple, if you are willing and willful.

Happily yours,

    Give up negativity  

If you analyse carefully you understand that you get anxious while thinking about the past or the future. Rarely do we panic about the present moment. So when ever you find yourself dwelling on something that either has already happened or is yet to happen, quickly remind yourself that you have control only over the present. So that’s the only thing that counts. So stay in the present moment. Look at what’s upsetting you, fix it and move on. If it’s already happened, definitely there is no way you can go back in time to change it. So dwelling on it and lamenting about what could or should have been is a waste of time and energy and just makes you feel worse about yourself. Accept whatever it is  and then move forward. 

When we feel negative we have a tendency to forget all about what we already have and focus instead on what we don’t. So the best thing to do is to focus on the positive. It may be a good idea to note down at least five things you are grateful for each day. They can be big or small starting from the gentle dawn of the day, your hot cup of tea, a smile from a stranger, successfully finishing your schedules for the day, an appreciation from your boss or tucking yourself warmly into bed at night . Whenever you’re feeling low, take a look at your journal to reaffirm all the great things you have in your life.

Negativity usually comes from fear. It is easy to be negative about things which are unknown or when we are unable to face them because we fear them. Fear of the unknown is always the biggest stumbling block to success. Learning to let go of your fears is a good start. Learn to get along or conquer your phobias. Conquer your fears. Facing your fears helps to build self-esteem. Being open to trying new things helps to get over fears. New experiences, big or small, make life more exciting and provide fulfillment.

When something doesn’t go well, find a way to reframe it in a more positive perspective. Shift your perspective.To cure any problem, it is important to get to the root of the problem first. Do a self-examination. You can actually learn to embrace the negative thoughts running through your mind and thereby transcend them.  Allow them to be, but don’t identify with them because those thoughts are not you.  Begin to interact with them like an observer. Human mind is compared to a hyperactive monkey.  The more you fight with the monkey, the more hyper it gets.  So learn to relax and observe the monkey until it wears itself out!

Most of our thoughts are so habitual, happen quickly, and feel so ‘right’ to us that we hardly even notice them. Once you recognize some of your automatic thoughts, you can inspect them and, if necessary, argue with them.
Before you jump to conclusions, ask yourself a question: “Have I put the same amount of time and effort into thinking about solutions as I have into listing the problems”? The more you question yourself, the more easily you’ll be able to spot and correct your negative automatic thoughts that are lurking underneath your tendency to assume the worst whenever things don’t go the way you planned. No matter how difficult or scary the problem seems, you’re always just one thought away from turning it into an opportunity for finding solution. All you have to do is find that thought.

Learning how to stop being negative is not rocket science. You should be open to adapting to changing circumstances, looking at them as positive challenges to overcome. As time goes by, you will find that it becomes easier to get rid  of  negative thoughts .   

]]> http://lifepeaceful.com/120/simple-tips-for-being-happy-6/feed/ 0 http://lifepeaceful.com/111/simple-tips-for-being-happy-5/ http://lifepeaceful.com/111/simple-tips-for-being-happy-5/#comments Thu, 25 Feb 2010 05:06:27 +0000 Anu http://lifepeaceful.com/111/simple-tips-for-being-happy-5/ Continue reading →]]> Hearing is simply an act of perceiving sounds by the ear. But listening is being mindful and consciously understanding what is hidden behind the words.   Real listening is an art and  helps the person communicating feel heard, cared and supported. This leads to healthy bonding.

Listen more than you speak

We have two ears but only one mouth. So it is only fair that we learn to use them in the same proportion! It has been scientifically reported that the human brain processes language much faster than most people talk. We have the capacity to listen at 125-250 words per minute, but can think at 1000-3000 words per minute. This gives the listener time for forming personal perceptions and stereotyped judgments. Soon after we listen to someone, we recall only about 50% of what they have said and much later we remember only 20% of what we heard.

Funny but true. If you think carefully, you know that LISTEN and SILENT share the same letters. When your mouth opens, your ears automatically close. On the other hand, being quiet gives you the opportunity to hear the words, tone, and the meaning behind the words of the other person. It’s hard to remain silent. It’s even harder to remain silent until someone has completely finished expressing what he/she has in mind.

Anyone of us with the gift of hearing has the potential for being a good listener. Unfortunately, not all actually work on their potential. Most people take their listening ability for granted. One of the barriers to effective listening  is noise. Noise can  refer to loud and distracting sounds in the background outside. At least one can do something to control it. But what about the the noise inside? Noise inside  means loud and distracting thoughts.  You have to quieten the mind and not allow the  passing thoughts  distract your attention. Otherwise you’ll never be able to listen effectively. Remaining quiet requires practice. We will discuss it elaborately as we progress into techniques of finding Happiness.

You will feel happier not only by understanding yourself, but also by understanding the people around you.  It is as important to understand others as it is to be understood by others. In the absence of listening we only briefly hear what the other is expressing. It is essential to try and understand what the other person means before speaking out your thoughts. And the easiest & simplest way is to listen more than you speak. Listen to understand, not to respond.

Good listeners learn to ‘listen’ with their eyes as well as with their ears, paying 100% undivided  attention to the speaker. Effective listening helps to resolve conflicts, build trust, inspire people, and strengthen relationships.

Happy listening,

Attentively yours

One of the main reasons why we compare our lives is to get approval. And in general wanting approval from others is a very big obstacle for a happy life because it hinders your personal growth. We may want the neighbors, friends, and the world to think/say, “Did you see that new car/house/dress/jewelry etc etc? It is the best”. The problem with comparing yourself to others and wanting approval from them is that you let others control how you feel in life. You feel bad when you are saving for, let us say, a big new car. You feel great when you finally have enough money to drive it home. And then you feel bad again when you see someone else has even a better car! You become a puppet of other people, pulling the strings controlling what you do. They limit your movements and your life. When you learn to get rid of your need for approval, you automatically give up the need for both positive and negative approval. They both are connected because when if you no longer crave positive cheers and approval from people then you will no longer have fears of criticisms and non approval either. The good thing is when you no longer need approval from others you will have a greater inner freedom to do what you want. You will notice positive opportunities in your life that was not there before.

If you compare the strengths of others, with your weaknesses, how do you think you’d size up? You have started playing a game already with a feeling of having lost the game. And do you think this would make you feel good? The funny thing is, this is what most of us do at one time or the other and many of us do very often. It’s a sure shot recipe for a drop in self-confidence and you straight head to unhappiness. Comparing yourself with others doesn’t do you any good. You end up either feeing proud when you are above or jealous and frustrated when you are below. Both do not   bring any happiness. Even if you compare strength to strength, there will always be those who are better, and those who are worse. Even if you do well in comparison with others, you may be artificially inflated from this comparison. It’s a short-lived boost of your ego. If you think you have won, that victory is easily knocked down. You end up resenting others when they are doing well. You might criticize someone in public, trying to knock them down, often unfairly. Or you might end up talking about your own accomplishments more than is necessary. Both are not appreciated by anybody.

If your only goal is to ‘be like so-and-so’, you are missing out on something really important. You are missing out on really being yourself and expressing the individuality that is you. Why give up your uniqueness and become a clone? Wouldn’t you rather enjoy your own life rather than someone else’s? So it is better to focus on what you have, on what you are already blessed with. Count what you have, not what you don’t. Think about how lucky you are to have what you have, to be alive at all in the first place. Instead of looking at your weaknesses, find out for yourself what your strengths are.  Be proud of them. You do not have to brag but can just feel good about them and use them to your best advantage.

If it’s a must to compare your self to someone else, then compare the whole package and not just a single trait. Someone may be more handsome than you but you may be smarter than him, some one may be richer than you but you may be happier than her. Think of yourself as a package because it not fair to judge yourself based on only one thing that you don’t have or that you cant do.

It is perfectly alright to be imperfect. No one is perfect and never can be. When you learn to look at it in a different way you understand that it is that imperfection which makes you who you are and you already are perfect. Life is not a competition. It’s a journey. We are all on this journey and the journey has nothing to do with how well other people are doing, or what they have. It has everything to do with what you want to do and where you want to go. That’s all you need to worry about. 

Enjoy yourself!

Joyfully yours

When we judge others, it is because we are seeing the world the way we want to see it — not the way it is. In the moment of judgment, you are experiencing the feeling of powerlessness.  Do you know how?  When you judge, you’re trying to change the outside, may it be a person, situation or happening and in turn, trying to make yourself feel more powerful.

Judging does not bring you joy. In fact it leads to suffering – your own suffering. It does not touch the person judged; he or she is free of you and your thoughts and your judgments but you get disturbed that things are not the way you have visualized. It is not fair to evaluate people based on their behavior on any one particular occasion, as the behavior may not be the correct representative. Nevertheless, first impressions are easy to form and difficult to overcome and we are so quick to both form and recall ‘bad’ impressions. Once a wrong impression is formed, we seal it away so carefully from revision or reconsideration.

The act of judgment is also an act of pride. If you sit down and think deeply and honestly, you understand that all things, big and small, all situations which you have tagged as ‘pleasant’ or ‘unpleasant’, all incidents which you have labeled as  ‘good’ or ‘bad’ invite your judgment. Think for a moment. Do they invite or are you gate crashing? Whatever it is – may it be the condition of the weather, political matters, the taste of your food, a television program – literally at every moment of the day you are constantly judging something or someone. You do it so willingly without even being aware of the consequences, without taking care of the responsibilities entailed. When you judge you make matters worse because you believe in your judgment is right. Since the external does not coincide with the internal, namely the picture you have in mind, there is a commotion in your mind and naturally you can not smile.

An effective way to challenge your urge to judge is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Once you begin doing that, your perspective and attitude about the person or happening or situation changes. As you keep practicing this more often, you will gain strength and power, which are key ingredients to bring a smile in your heart and hence on your face.

Judging people is just a programming that one can undo. You should realize that others are also programmed and doing just what they are programmed to do. Instead of trying to judge other people and trying to change them into what you want, learn to change what you want. Instead of placing all your ‘consideration’ on the person outside of you, turn your attention around and place your awareness on yourself completely.

There’s nothing good about judging others. Instead, when you learn to look at the positive side of them, it not only brightens their day but yours too. First be your own judge and order yourself not judge others! Then you can comfortably stay in your space while giving others the freedom of their space.

Keep Smiling!

Smilingly yours

Your happiness is your responsibility. Why blame outside condition or other people if you’re not happy? While things round you could change and go ‘ bad ’, it is you who decide how you will respond to them. You can decide to be happy and when you decide, you are happy. Nothing stops that.

When can you actually smile? Of course, when you are happy. When can you be happy? Of course, when you are contented. When can you be contented? Of course, only when you know to count your Blessings. There are so many things we should be grateful for, but we often forget them. We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather from recognizing and appreciating what we have. If only we start counting what we have, then there won’t be any moment left to lament over what we don’t have. We take everything for granted – all the moments; right from the nose full of air that goes in to that comes out which makes life tick. So primarily the best blessing we can start our count with, is Life itself! And then follows the body and mind…every thing else is an extension of or to the body and mind. When you learn to count your Blessings, soon you understand that all your fingers and toes are not enough to count the blessings of even a single minute!

Instead of listing what you don’t have why not count what you have : eyes that see, ears that hear, arms that touch, legs that move, Remember there are so many who wish they could see what you see around you, they dream that one day, they may hear their own name, walk around and inhale the fragrances of life. Take a look around you – at the creation of God, and how your body works. How about thanking God for the wonderful creation He has made exclusively for us – the elements in it making life possible. How about counting the biggest Blessing – your body; the precision with which it functions; the senses and their perception; the unlimited pleasures and enjoyment creation supplies us with. The list is endless.

Next time you cannot go to sleep, start counting your Blessings instead of sheep. Not only will you have a good nights rest but will also wake up with a mind ready to start the day’s count of Blessings! There you go. One Two Three…….soon you will lose count, for the Blessings are Infinite and Eternal. 

Happy counting!

Blessedly yours

Here are some simple, cost free tips for being happy, time tested by Happiness experts.Want to try a few of them out? Here we go…

The basic expression of Happiness is smile. You don’t have to lift a little finger to do it! It is the easiest act one can perform. All it requires is a smile in your mind. Then without any effort it reflects on your face. And the only assured reaction you can expect is a smile in return. The mere act of smiling can brighten not only your day but that of others around you. Cross-cultural studies have shown that smiling is used as a means of communicating emotions throughout the world. Smiling is a very simple thing to do, and yet it has great effect.

It costs you nothing to smile. On the other hand, you enrich the one you are smiling at and in the process become richer too! When you have an argument, fight or even a temper next time, just try a smile. You will be amazed at the instant result. That little curve on your lips can set so many things straight! It can cause boundaries to melt, hearts to warm up, and distances to reduce.
It just takes a moment to smile but the memory can last forever. As you read this, try and  recall those many smiles you cherish – the loving smile of your mom, the proud smile of your dad, the appreciative smile of your teacher, the assuring smile of a dear friend, the romantic smile of your sweetheart – Don’t you feel Happy?

When someone is too tired to smile lend them one of yours and they will instantaneously return yours along with theirs. It is a simple act, but sometimes takes a lot of effort.

Smile is the most inexpensive beautification aid and accessory for people of all ages. It is the best accessory you can adorn yourself with. Infact without one you are not fully dressed!  They say it takes only seventeen muscles to smile while you exert almost forty-three for a frown. Want to shed away those extra pounds of sadness? Simple. Just smile. It is the best exercise and it is worthwhile making it your favorite exercise to shed out those accumulated layers of worries.      

                            
In today’s highly fluctuating economy, with this continuous decline of money value, smile is a sure shot stock to increase your face value and you are assured of many fold returns as you keep investing in it. When you do not know to flash your smiles it is like you have loads of money in your account but with out a cheque – book!

You can’t speak French to non French, English to a non-English. But then there is no language barrier for a smile; everyone smiles in the same language. Smile is nature’s best anti dote for trouble. Try it next time. Try it every time, whether it is a familiar face or a stranger. Give one- get many free. When you learn to smile for every reason then you can smile for no reason. Keep smiling!  Merry Christmas.

Smilingly yours 

Hi folks, I am back after a break. Shall I call it hibernation? Well, hibernation is necessary sometimes. Hibernation can make the batteries in your laptop computer last longer. Animals hibernate to save energy in winter when there is little food for them. To prepare for hibernation, they also eat a lot to add excess fat to their bodies. They also add a lot of leaves and grass to their den to keep them warm. I hibernate; to pause and enjoy the spiritual gems gathered in time, to assimilate the words of wisdom, to assess my own growth – not when there is nothing else to do, but when there is plenty to do physically and mentally, when major decisions are to be made. Those are the real ‘time tests’. I am the student; I am the examiner!

Ask any one in this world what they want. The universal answer is Happiness. Even if it is indirect, if you follow the track you will end up in ‘Happiness! Wonder how? Let’s say you ask a young kid
“What do you want to do?”
“Go to school; go to college, secure degrees”
“What for?”
“To get a good job”
“What for?”
“To earn money”
“What for?”
To acquire all things I need in life”
“What for? ’
“So that I can be happy”

So, that is what we ultimately seek … all of us.  The need for happiness or fulfillment is something fundamental and universal. It is inherent in every human being. Instead of being enamored by the deluding means we seek to attain the end, why not understand and attain the end directly? I can hear you mumble,” But how? That must be difficult”. No. It’s simple. All it needs is simple understanding; understanding the mind; minding the ego; egoless mind.

The source of happiness is not in the mere physical presence of something or someone but in the capability to ignore the thought of that something or someone in our mind which seems to ‘offer’ happiness. Once we know that objects or people are incapable of giving either happiness or unhappiness but have their own uses and places in life, then they no more invoke pains or pleasures. We no more get disturbed by them.

If you analyse carefully, you will understand that every time you enjoy a moment of happiness, it is ‘being’ with your Self. But not knowing that The Self is the source of Happiness, you look for it everywhere else– in objects, people, relationships, emotions, wealth, power, name etc. This search is never ending. What a wonderful life man would have, if only he knew “I am the source of Bliss, Happiness itself”, while tasting, touching, seeing, hearing and experiencing everything. There will no more be any ‘search’ for Happiness. Life becomes a five star luxury and every experience is a big bonus.
Your happiness is your responsibility. Why blame outside conditions or other people if you’re not happy? While things around you could change and go ‘bad’, it is you who decide how you will respond to them. You can decide to be happy and when you decide, you are happy. Nothing stops that.
We will discuss some easy ways of doing it in the next few articles.

Till then Be Happy!

Happily yours 

In a hot summer afternoon, when you are feeing completely parched, if someone offers you an ice cold drink, how do you feel when you see the glass? How do you feel when you drink it? Will you describe your feeling as happiness or as pleasure? You will say it is a feeling of pleasure. There is a connection between these two kinds of feelings, and sometime one evokes the other, but they are not the same thing. Pleasure is more dependent on the five senses, has to do with enjoyment through the five senses and also dependent on external circumstances, objects and people while  happiness is  independent of all these and totally internal.

When you are happy, unpleasant events usually do not disturb you. When you are unhappy, even minor things upset you and you feel as if everything is against you. You may compensate for it by doing something that gives you pleasure; yet you stay unhappy.

No matter what activity is sought, at the moment when happiness is experienced, something happens. Whether it is the thrill of reaching the summit of a high mountain, eating a delicious piece of cake, winning a lottery or whatever the action may be, there is a common element that is always present. At the peak of happiness there is a stoppage of the thinking process. There is inner silence. There is peace. The competition or dangers are over. Worries are dropped away.  This may last for a brief moment or a few. It is not the object gained or the successful performance of the action that brought this feeling. It is something internal and independent of the external world.

Happiness is not something to be found from somewhere, something or someone. It is always there within, but covered by layers of thoughts, desires and fears. It is experienced when these covers vanish for a while. When a fear or a worry comes to an end or a desire attained, there is a temporary disappearance of these layers. The ego and personality stop projecting for a while, and a great sense of satisfaction recognizing that inner happiness is experienced. It is a moment of revelation. There is no need to search for happiness or to create it. There is no need to have all kinds of outer experiences and actions in order to feel it. On the contrary, everything has to be dropped in order to experience it.

Hold on to that Inner joy. Anchor the mind to that Core. Then irrespective of what happens or doesn’t happen you can make every moment joyful. So it is all in your hands…Sorry…in your mind! Fill every moment, minute, day, week, month, year and thus all your life with smiles.  Have a happy life! 

There you go. Up. And now all the way down. One moment you are up, the next you are way down. And up again, then down again into the darkness. People around you yell in an odd mixture of fear and enjoyment. Up and down, up and down again; then a sudden swing round a corner, you almost feel like you are falling off the rails.

Is this supposed to be fun? Well, yes it is, if you let go of holding onto everything within reach. It is fun when you understand that you don’t have to hold on to anything except that which holds every atom in the creation. But most of us do keep hold of some things in this wildly ‘rocking’ world. For example, the seat, the body in which you are seated! If all the fun fair is external, the body, which acts as the seat is also external. The body needs a functional mind within to translate every thought, into words and actions. The subtle mind within the gross body makes it possible to understand the entire external world. But all the gross that is external cannot reveal that factor, the Consciousness behind the subtle mind making life tick. The ever-changing swirls of fear, exhilarations, excitements, disappointments, dejections and such torrent of feelings, all of these, as fast as they come, they go. If you try to hold onto any one, you get run over by the next. What remains constant through all the ups and downs, in all twisting and turning through space and time is the Awareness. The fun, the joy, is not in the action but in the process. Not in holding on to any one emotion or action, but in being through all of them.

Once we are in it, there is no way we can get out till it is over. So what do we do? Hold on. Hold on to the core and wait. We all know that eventually it comes to an end. To keep panic at bay all we need to do is to sit back and watch it pass. Every thing passes in time: thoughts, emotions, words, actions and events however pleasant or unpleasant it is. Take long, deep, smooth breaths. Look ahead. The ability to be resilient is what helps us bounce back from the edge, helps us find our strength in adverse circumstances and helps us thrive.

If you think you could have chosen another ride that would have been more fun and less stressful, well, you are mistaken. They are all like this. All the rides. Take for example the Hall of Mirrors. If you think it is any better then you are wrong. You enter there and look around. It is full of reflections. Reflections of you, some stretched, and some shrunk, in other words mostly distorted. You find the same reflection changing like a chameleon as your mind changes! The inside reflects outside. So you decide as how the outside should look by choosing the projection inside. The choice is yours! Or you want to move on to watch the acts of clowns? You realize as you are watching other clowns on stage, you yourself are one among them, being watched by others!

There is only one way in and only one way out. In the meantime, we are here. So we may as well get the best out of it! Have a jolly good ride!